If there is one thing that clouds my mind every single day it is anxiety over the future. These thoughts take dozens of different forms based on the day: finances, work, family issues, health concerns, parenting, marriage, my to-do list. The one constant within all of it is how badly I try to manipulate my present in order to have certainty and control over what is coming down the road towards me. You don’t need to have experienced much of life to know what a hopeless exercise this is most days. This is never more true than with my counseling practice.
When I decided to start my own practice I was forsaking a lot of certainty in not joining an established practice. An established practice comes with an administrative assistant to do your billing, scheduling, and paperwork. It comes with an unending stream of new client referrals. But it also comes with a required weekly client load about 50% larger than I know is good for me (and my clients) in order to be the best therapist I can be. This requires being available to see clients 50-55 hours a week.
Building my own practice means doing all my own billing, scheduling and paperwork, but also the freedom to set my own rates. It means extremely inconsistent streams of referrals (some months are more than I can take on, others I do not get a single call or email). And it means being able to see a number of clients weekly that gives them the best care possible. It also means being able to have a schedule that allows me to be home more often.
This summer has been slow for me in my client load. That’s normal as people go on vacation and life is typically “better.” More sun. More freedom. More fun. However, for my anxious mind this has led me to focus on the uncertainty this slow season has brought (“How will we pay our bills if things don’t pickup?!”) instead of being mindful of the possibilities having more time and energy brings (“I have more time to prepare for each client AND more free time for our family!”) I focus on the scarcity. I focus on the fear. I focus on not meeting expectations. I focus on feeling like a failure.
A few weeks ago Justin spoke on the Lord’s Prayer. One line jumped out to me from Jesus’ prayer:
“Give us today our daily bread.”
This short verse fills my mind with a different reality.
Provision. Gratitude. Presence. Hope. Stability.
The future will undoubtedly have great days and rocky days. And God will give me the bread I need for those days just like he has provided the bread I needed for every day in the past. Every. Single. Day. I can lean into the character of God knowing he is a God of Daily Bread because that’s what he has always been.
Because my hope is in the promise of Daily Bread yesterday and today, I can rest in the Daily Bread of tomorrow.
Daily Bread
